5 signs that you’re watching too much daytime tv while unemployed

this could also be titled “5 reasons i love tivo” or “5 reasons why i’m a loser” or “5 reasons i need to get out more,” etc.

i've also been watching a lot of those court shows where bitter d-bags sue each other for, like, $100... ooo, and car chase shows. all time well spent.

1)    you find yourself watching the home shopping network (hsn)– and you keep watching.

2)    you find yourself amazed by a demonstration of [insert useless product here] and wondering how you’ve lived your entire life up until that moment without said product.

3)    you find yourself dialing the 1-800 number on the screen with one hand and clutching your visa card in the other.

4)    you find yourself ending the call and realizing, with horror, that you actually just ordered this off the home shopping network.

5)    you find yourself seriously considering enrolling at western career college to begin training for an exciting new career as a medical assistant!  and for the rest of the day you find yourself repeatedly singing that retarded jingle: “western career college– you can do it!”

two more signs and we might have an apocolypse on our hands.

of course, if there is, i won’t notice since i’ll be glued to hsn, draining my ever-shrinking checking account as i purchase jewelry from the tori spelling collection in between deciding whether to become a massage therapist at the national holistic institute or to call bryman to find out how to get started toward earning a degree in criminal justice…

oooo, maybe i need a personal injury lawyer, too…