5 signs that you’re watching too much daytime tv while unemployed

this could also be titled “5 reasons i love tivo” or “5 reasons why i’m a loser” or “5 reasons i need to get out more,” etc.

i've also been watching a lot of those court shows where bitter d-bags sue each other for, like, $100... ooo, and car chase shows. all time well spent.

1)    you find yourself watching the home shopping network (hsn)– and you keep watching.

2)    you find yourself amazed by a demonstration of [insert useless product here] and wondering how you’ve lived your entire life up until that moment without said product.

3)    you find yourself dialing the 1-800 number on the screen with one hand and clutching your visa card in the other.

4)    you find yourself ending the call and realizing, with horror, that you actually just ordered this off the home shopping network.

5)    you find yourself seriously considering enrolling at western career college to begin training for an exciting new career as a medical assistant!  and for the rest of the day you find yourself repeatedly singing that retarded jingle: “western career college– you can do it!”

two more signs and we might have an apocolypse on our hands.

of course, if there is, i won’t notice since i’ll be glued to hsn, draining my ever-shrinking checking account as i purchase jewelry from the tori spelling collection in between deciding whether to become a massage therapist at the national holistic institute or to call bryman to find out how to get started toward earning a degree in criminal justice…

oooo, maybe i need a personal injury lawyer, too…

i’m alone on the web

ok, i just spent a couple of hours pressing “next” up in the right hand corner of my screen looking for other blogs to read. uh, apparently i’ m like the only sane person out there. every blog was a either some jesus-loving, right-wing bible thumper or knitting-obsessed mommy blogging about runny noses or the entire blog was in malaysian. really, malaysian. don’t ask me why. and the button kept taking me to the same blogs over and over, like a blog about satellites or something. then there was the really creepy guy who took innocent “family circus” cartoons and drew over them to make them perverted or dirty or just plain scary. i did find a few normal sounding people, one was a sweet blog written by the daughter of a deceased cancer victim who wrote little memories she had of her mother every day to keep her memory alive. that seemed nice, but then i found some guy whose mother sounded like a crazy, red-neck hick and yet he didn’t seem to notice because he continued to post the strange things she said and did (like that her boyfriend is also her ex-husband and that he sold all his prescriptions to pay her rent, so they’re together this week). don’t people realize that those of us who are normal will sit at our computers scratching our heads over how the hell you write about that shit like it’s no big deal? i mean honestly. ugh, and there was some crazy bitch who seemed cool at first, until i kept reading and she started criticizing pres. obama and then wished sarah palin “happy birthday.” gross. sarah palin makes me want to gag. how could you listen to obama speak and then listen to palin and like her better? you’d have to be rush limbaugh, bill o’reilly, the evil ann coulter or this crazy bitch. i feel so… alone. i kept waiting for the button to take me to mom’s blog, but it never did.

ugh, i have to pee again! and charlie is being bad and not going to sleep so i banished him to the den for the night, but i’m starting to get cold and lonely and would like his little warm body next to mine, so i’ll probably go get him in a minute.

i should be writing a report for class tomorrow, but i’m feeling super lazy about school at the moment. i can only put it off until tomorrow afternoon. oh, and i got my fed refund so i paid off both my credit cards completely. feels weird not to owe money, except on my car. and a little bit to macy’s. otherwise, i’m doing pretty well. the debt is about to increase again, though, because i’m getting a new laptop **yea!!** that will work faster and connect to the internet at school. i need a new laptop desperately, but mainly to use for school. journalism majors are also expected to be really good with computers and design and all that, so i need a computer that’s up to snuff. and as attached to this little dell as i am, i’m afraid it’s got to go. like with an old car, i need to trade up.

here’s to trading up, spending hundreds of dollars, and that wonderful high you only get when you’re buying something! hurray!